tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42071142779906554342024-02-20T16:50:49.571-05:00A Rewoven LifeSusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01776508470403950920noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207114277990655434.post-26230155948169696362019-05-06T18:04:00.000-04:002019-05-06T18:10:55.949-04:00Released From Recollection<br />
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I now watch the changing seasons </div>
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with a greater attention to detail.<br />
A sense of awe stirs deep within me.<br />
My brain carefully collects and arranges each element.<br />
"I'll make sure I remember this."<br />
Thus, each item is consistently, mentally misplaced, <br />
and consigned to oblivion.</div>
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And so, it feels as though </div>
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I am experiencing so much for the first time.<br />
Only my spirit feels the warmth of familiarity.<br />
It is that Other part of me <br />
that now recalls, retains, and recognizes.<br />
As I observe these transformations around me,</div>
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with a mind released from recollection,</div>
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it feels as if I am also altered.</div>
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I hibernate.</div>
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I awaken.</div>
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I shimmer.</div>
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I fade.<br />
<br /></div>
Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01776508470403950920noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207114277990655434.post-34839668296321659592018-12-23T23:37:00.000-05:002018-12-23T23:37:20.328-05:00Christmas<div style="text-align: center;">
Today was our Christmas.<br />Just the two of us.<br />He woke me up to see the snow falling...<br />didn't want me to miss it.<br />It is our first Christmas in our new home,<br />and it feels perfect.<br />Christmas day will be travel and chaos,<br />but today was ours.<br />Calm. Cozy. Quiet.<br />Peaceful.<br />I did a live video chat with my mom and my sister,<br />so we could share the fun of opening gifts.<br />I cried as I slowly unwrapped a gift from my mother.<br />I'm so far away from my family<br />and time is slipping through our fingers.<br />But I keep them close.<br />Homesickness is just an expression of Love,<br />so it added to the Gentleness of the day.<br />Tonight... more snow.</div>
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A white Christmas is Perfection.<br /></div>
Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01776508470403950920noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207114277990655434.post-2845784725210464782018-12-10T18:35:00.002-05:002018-12-10T18:35:45.275-05:00What Is Left<div style="text-align: center;">
I woke and met a stranger in my brain.<br />
The life I had once found shelter in, collapsed<br />
The Who of Me was stripped, raw and bare<br />
<br />
Life has a way of eventually exposing us all, doesn't it.<br />
For most it may be a more gradual process.<br />I certainly would have preferred a gentle evolution<br />
but, someday, we all must learn to live with What Is Left.<br /><br />This is Stroke Recovery for me -<br />sifting through what remains.<br />Trying to make it something meaningful,<br />even though I never would have chosen it.<br />
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Some days I find a certain grace in the remnants.<br /><br />When Why's have no answer<br />they may then be translated into How's.<br /><br />What Is Left leaves no hiding places.<br />There is no capacity for the counterfeit.<br />What feels raw and bare<br />is what is Real.<br /> Primal.<br /><br />
All of my Doing was rendered into Being.<br />And although I do not yet know how to Be,<br />
gracefully<br />there is a certain freedom in being fragmented.<br />
<br />So maybe, after all<br />What Is Left, is what is Meant To Be.<br /><br /><br />
<br /><br />
<br /></div>
Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01776508470403950920noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207114277990655434.post-45652908801349727172018-12-10T18:04:00.002-05:002018-12-10T18:04:45.243-05:00BirdsMy thoughts are like fluttering birds<br />who, every once in awhile, land together.<br />But the moment I move towards them,<br />
they take to the air again.<br /><br />
My mind is working overtime,<br />
chasing birds.Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01776508470403950920noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207114277990655434.post-16873185310512655362018-11-27T15:50:00.001-05:002018-11-27T15:50:30.835-05:00Stroked<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhptaHgDBlbT4k57kmkeockMstc_hv8k6ocqPQWdfdx_l4tqCDz5xps8UeIjnekdYkqMT2R50TOFRNaQBA32hNqKI2WUo-FA0uyFAG5VUxL5hk0AL2TGXoIRdrCHL9SAqN5LQmVlRiMXr0/s1600/in+hospital+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="540" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhptaHgDBlbT4k57kmkeockMstc_hv8k6ocqPQWdfdx_l4tqCDz5xps8UeIjnekdYkqMT2R50TOFRNaQBA32hNqKI2WUo-FA0uyFAG5VUxL5hk0AL2TGXoIRdrCHL9SAqN5LQmVlRiMXr0/s320/in+hospital+3.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
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<br />This is me... having a stroke.<br /><br />Except, at this particular moment, no one<i> knew</i> I was having a stroke.<br />Because that just isn't a common thing for 36 yr. olds.<br />This was the period at the end of a sentence.<br />Everything that had come before was over now.<br />This was the moment "before" and "after" became sharply separated.<br /><br />The doctor came in and drew a picture that looked like a torn water hose.<br />A Vertebral Artery Dissection.<br />A flap-like tear in the inner lining of an artery in my neck, <br />where the blood was now pooling and forming a clot,<br />and blocking blood flow to my brain.<br />Later, part of that clot would break loose </div>
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and cause more damage in the left hemisphere of my brain.<br />What can I say... it was a bad day.<br /><br />There is so much more to the story...<br />and I'll do my best to tell it.<br />A little bit at a time...<br />you see, my brain doesn't quite work the way it used to.<br />But I'm still here.<br /><br />I'm still here!<br /></div>
Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01776508470403950920noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207114277990655434.post-61686238199665344822018-11-27T00:03:00.002-05:002018-11-27T00:03:14.871-05:00Coming BackAnd so I've come back. <br />This is the place where I wrote my way to healing once before. <br />I've tried to write in other ways and places, but this is where it began, and it feels natural to pick up again where I left off. <br />Except... everything is different now. <br />My words are different... I am different. <br />But maybe I can find my self again<br />by following the trail of bread crumbs that I leave in my own writing.<br />So I'm Back.Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01776508470403950920noreply@blogger.com0